i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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