What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
