My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
