Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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