When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Vodka?
Forever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
