Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY