All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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