On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties