Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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