Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Jerry, you need to find god
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex