I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.