you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just cropdusted the office
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas