you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
