WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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