she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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