Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
