This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
