She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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