So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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