I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
