Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
