how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
