remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
