i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
