last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
