then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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