so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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