you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
