Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
