I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
