I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
