im drinking this country out of the recession.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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