great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
40s are totally the cure
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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