Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
