Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
