I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We smell like vodka and hangover
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