Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
