omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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