the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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