It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
