you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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