Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
