we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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