just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
