I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
smell my finger.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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