i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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