Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
