i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
