I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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