it wasn't lemon gatorade
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
