Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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