Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
