On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
