so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize