I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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