Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
