I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
