this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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