I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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