dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
