I will die if light touches me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
