it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
