Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
