he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
