I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
