Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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