The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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