Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
