hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
