and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We left an ass print on the piano.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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